i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
