I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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