Dude my mom stole all your condoms
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
