Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
