I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
