I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
