You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
