is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
