just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize