After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
