he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize