As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
