I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
