Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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