I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
