Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
