There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
did you just send me my own nude
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
