So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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