Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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