HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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