I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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