i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
