how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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