If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
