6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
