I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
