I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
