This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
