I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
