Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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