Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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