Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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