we have officially lost it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
