I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
