I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
