why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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