I love black thongs
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
