I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i out mim tonsoeep
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
