Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
