either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize