cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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