She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
