Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
