roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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