Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
