i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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