a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
