All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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