Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
