I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
