This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
