Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
