Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
