FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
