I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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