I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
