so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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