Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
