My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
