I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
