I must be too annoying 4 u.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
