Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize