This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
