Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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