Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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