drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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