just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I supernannyed him into submission
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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