remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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