I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
