remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
