just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
