If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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