living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
