yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i believe in u and ur pee
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
