i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
