i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
whose parrot is this?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
