My nipple is on Facebook.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
