You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
