Your dad touched me again.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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