I showed him my bush... on skype.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize