I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
