Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
