ya dads aren't the best wingmen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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